The Story of Kolohe

Ho brah, come join me while I, Kolohe, da trickster of Kohala, tell you my story of how I got trapped in here.  Woah, woah, I know what dey say about me, dat I’m a no good dirty rascal an’ I deserve to be locked up like dis, but no joke- I’m ready to live in da groove.  I’ve learned my lesson, I’m mostly sorry fo’ what I did, and I don’ want no trouble no mo’.

My prankin’ all started in order to get da people a-movin’ and a-shakin’ because  dere is nothin’ funnier fo’ me dan when da people jump an’ dance around like crazy buggahs.  Hundreds of years ago, in my Kohala village, I used to hide in da branches of da coconut trees and drop coconuts on da toes of da bruddahs walkin’ by.  Dat got ‘em jumpin’ an’ dancin’, eh!  An’ den I used to sneak by hammocks at night and put slippahs by da fire so when da people would step on der hot shoes, dey would kick der feet high up in da air an’ dance across da beach.  Ho Bruddah, dat was a mo’ bettah prank, don’ ya tink?  But I maybe took it too far when I took dat pack o’ pigs fo’ a run trough da village.  I herded ‘em up an’ spooked ‘em an’ dey ran wild, squeelin’ past da houses while da people leaped out of da way.  Da Big Kahuna, dat day, he was so scared, he scurried up da tallest tree and stayed der till night came.  On dat day, da Big Kahuna decided dat  I had to leave Kohala.

Dat Big Kahuna, he’s a plenny smart bruddah.  So da next night, while I was sittin’ in a tree, I saw da Big Kahuna out on da beach wit’ all da people around him.  He was playin’ da kind ‘o box wit’ strings and da faster he played, da mo’ da people would jump an’ dance an’ groove to da max aroun’ da fire.  Den he switched it up and grooved all slow an’ mellow-like, an’ da people, dey sway an’ sway fo’ da music.  I tought dey were under his spell!  I knew I had to have dis kine o’ magic object after spyin’ on da people.

K den, da Big Kahuna, he left dat sting box on da beach fo’ me like some kine o’ trap an’ hid behind a big rock.  As soon as I grabbed it, he threw dis box on my head wiki wiki laughin’, “How dare you try an’ take my ukulele from me?  I got you now, Kolohe.  You gonna die dead!” Wit’ dat, he sent me off in dat box with dat ukulele, far away from my Kohala home.

Now, if you release me from dis box, I’ll teach you how to groove an’ your jam can take me back to da breezy beaches of Kohala again.  Notin’ catches dose warm nights of dancin’ by da fire dan da sweet ukulele sound.  Waddya say?  Lesgo!

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